WHAT TO DO WHEN “I DO” TURNS INTO “I DON’T”
RECIPE FOR HEALING
By
Kendra Crowell Hurd

                Healing after divorce can be challenging.  The loss of the dream of marriage and family can be devastating even when you know it is in the best interest of everyone concerned. 
Making a decision to make lemonade out of lemons and be the best you can be can be a conscious decision.  Once that goal has been set, the following “healing tools” can be your guide.  Pick a healing tool, one at a time and apply that tool to your everyday life.  Applying all sixty-nine tools can take years—8-15 years.  The investment of time will reap you long-term benefits for the rest of your life.  These healing tools can help you stay alive for the rest of your life.

PHYSICAL TOOLS:

1. Massage—helps reduce stress and keeps you out of bed with the wrong people.
2. Rolfing—helps release negative toxins (emotions) and helps body to be structurally straight.
3. Exercise—helps you release stress and stay in shape.
4. Personal trainer—if you don’t take care of your body, where are you going to live?
5. Illness—seek to find out what your body is trying to say to you.

SPIRITUAL TOOLS:

6. Intuition—listen to your gut, pay attention to synchronicity, and coincidences—God talking to you.
7. God of your understanding/Church—put God in the center of your life and all aspects of your life work better.
8. Volunteering/Giving back—create a channel to share your gifts.
9. Send Blessings—say, “I am sending blessings” to the one that hurt you.  You can ask God to help you mean it.
10. Spend time in nature—Mother Nature is calming and healing.
11. Join or start a Master Mind Group—where two or more of like minds are gathered together and pray, God hears and answers your prayers.
12. Ask for God’s Guidance—ask God to tell you what His will is for you and then follow.  Listen for answers in a dream, intuition, synchronicity, and coincidences.
13. Prayer on your knees—be humble before God.
14. Find what arc type you are living, and if you don’t like it, change it—victim, child, warrior, princess, etc.
15. Invite your Guardian Angel to help you—give your guardian angel a name and ask for help.
16. Spirit Animal—ask for a dream to tell you what your spirit animal is.  What are the characteristics of that animal?  If you are a bear or an eagle, you have few predators; however, if you are a deer, you have several predators.  Alter your thoughts and behavior so that you are strong and others do not prey you upon.
17. Pay attention to the animals that are in your backyard or cross your path.  What does that particular animal mean metaphysically?
18. Find out what your Aura Colors are—what do they mean?  If you don’t like what they mean, change your mind and your behavior to heal that particular issue.
19. Embrace Change—change is pregnant with possibilities.
20. Use Astrology to find out what kind of energy you brought to earth.
21. Use Numerology to find out what your parents “intuitively knew” when they named you.
22. Have Past Life Regression therapy to heal any energy leaks from a past life.

 MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL TOOLS:

23. Taste Your Words before you spit them out—stop, take a deep breath, reflect, and choose your words before speaking.
24. Cognitive Restructuring—mine for negative beliefs that are not working for you and change them.  “I must be perfect.”  Change to “I’m not perfect, but there are parts of me that are excellent.”
25. Shadow Side—pay attention to what you say about other people.  The parts of ourselves that we deny, we project onto someone else.
26. Sarcasm—pay attention to sarcastic remarks.  Sarcastic remarks are full of hidden anger.
27. Finances—the way we deal with money is a metaphor for how we live our lives.  Too tight with money = too stingy with our love.  Too free with our money = we do not have good boundaries.  Balance our checkbook = deal with our life issues.  Don’t balance our checkbook = don’t deal with our life issues.
28. Chatterbox thoughts—journal your thoughts and feelings and discover how your mind jumps from thought to thought.
29. Co-dependency—is your happiness dependent on how someone else treats you?
30. Stay in the Now—now is the only place where happiness is possible.  You cannot have a happier past by dwelling on the past.
31. Find our your triggers—journal to help find out what increases your anger, increases your need to control, and decreases your self esteem.
32. Love Languages—words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, acts of service, and quality time.  What makes you happy?

EMOTIONAL, MENTAL, AND SPIRITUAL TOOLS:

33. Journaling—helps discard negative emotions and helps find love.  What you can feel, you can heal.
34. Therapy—find a healthier perspective.
35. Affirmations—say daily affirmations to help reprogram your hard drive (your mind).
36. Visualization—see, in your mind’s eye, what you want.  What you think about expands, so only see positive present and future situations.
37. Forgiveness—unforgiveness is like holding on to hot coals and expecting it to burn the other person.  Say a 70 X 7 forgiveness pattern.  For 70 days straight, seven times a day say, “I forgive _________ for any wrong doings done to me intentional or otherwise.”  On the 70^th day, say amen.
38. Ask yourself, “What did I learn from this relationship?”  Don’t lose the lesson.
39. Attraction—ask yourself, “How am I like my former spouse or partner?”  How were we alike:  mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and sexually?  How you were alike, and you don’t like that comparison, that is what you can work on healing in yourself.
40. Career—are you using God’s gifts to help other people? 
41. Divorce Support Group—join a divorce support group and learn that you are not the lone ranger.
42. Dreams—write them down (before you get out of bed) and then analyze what they are trying to tell you.
43. Stay away from married people who want to “date” you.  What they will do with you, they will do to you.
44. Hang a Worry Basket in your garage—before coming into your home or apartment, place your worries in a worry basket and let God work them out for you.
45. Neediness—spend time alone.  If you don’t want to spend time alone with yourself, how could you expect another person to want to be alone with you?
46. Acceptance—what we resist, persists.
47. Gratitude—gratitude is the currency of angels.  Gratitude is a multiplication tools.  We get more things to be thankful for.
48. Ego—edging God out.  There are two feelings in the world—fear and love.  Fear is an absence of God and Love is the presence of God.
49. Have the intention of leading from your Higher Self—every day before you get out of bed, have this intention.
50. Let go of guilt—guilt lowers your energy vibration.  Forgive yourself.
51. Walk a Medicine Wheel—Native American culture teaches us to walk the medicine wheel with a question in mind.
52. Find music that soothes your soul.
53. Be what you want to attract—make a list of what you want in a partner and then ask yourself, “Am I that person?”
54. Treat yourself like your own best friend.
55. Before you get out of bed each day, thank God for being your partner that day.

 EMOTIONAL, MENTAL, PHYSICAL, AND SPIRITUAL TOOLS:

56. Have Reiki treatments—God’s energy is used to raise your energy vibration to improve your own natural immune system.
57. Practice chanting—releases negative energy.
58. Practice Feng Shui in your home, office, and garden—ancient practice to help draw positive energy to you.
59. Live a Balanced Life—in a month’s time spread your energy in the following areas:  Higher Power, career, relationship, family, friends, hobby, leisure, contribution, and self-awareness.
60. Practice the Relaxation Response and Meditation—take deep diaphragmatic breaths, clear your mind.  Practice 3-4 times a week, 10-20 minutes each.
61. Spend time with a hobby that you enjoy—what did you enjoy as a child?
62. Take a vacation—getting out of town helps you realize a different perspective.
63. Recognize your stress warning signals and change what you are doing to get a different result—physical, emotional, mental, behavioral, and spiritual warning signals.
64. New Relationship—you want to spend time with someone to get to know him or her before you make a commitment.  Find out if they follow through on their word, are they honest and trustworthy, are you compatible (can take 3-6 months).  Then, it takes a minimum of 18-24 months to find out what that person is truly like.   You want to see them in all four seasons twice before you marry them.
65. Clear out the clutter in your home—release the old and make way for the new.
66. Menopause—it is a time when our chemistry asks, “When is it my turn?”
67. Emotional eating—journal to discover what is eating you.
68. Burn sage or a green candle to clear any negative energy in your home and office.  Walk around each room and say, “I am releasing any negative energy in this room and replacing it with positive, loving energy.”
69. Clear jewelry—wash a piece of jewelry, place it outside for 24 hours, and say, “I am releasing any negative energy in this piece and replacing it with positive, loving energy.
    

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